Drivin through the mall like I'ma Blues Brother I'ma drop a hit for your brother and your mother Grab the mic and become your sister's lover Not doing that shit for revenge Stackin up blocks like I was Stonehenge I know that shit doesn't make sense What you think I'm the fuckin Fresh Prince? This shit ain't literal, you ain't literate The crowd is indifferent, you are ignorant In you I got no interest, like recipes on Pinterest Can I get a witness, I got lyrical fitness You ain't nothing but lyrically witless You wanna-be AK strappers, Paduan rappers Little big men, weak old lady slappers You are not a rapper, more like a present wrapper You ain't lookin dapper, your career's in the crapper (shitty) Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out Turn that shit off, take that shit down Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out Turn that shit off, knock that shit down Never had a crowd not love me on stage Out of my book you need to take a page Have something to say, say it well Conjure an image, cast a spell Who only gets just one shot? If I flop, you know I won't stop There's a lyrical technician who came to flex Number one b-boy, Professor Rex Man outta time, man outta place Feel like I'm from fuckin outer space Crab rappers don't feel the words I'm sayin They can't understand the jams I'm playin Y'all can't break me, you cant fake me Y'all motherfuckers can't take me Y'all better thank me, you better bank me Y'all motherfuckers better rank me (number one) Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out Turn that shit off, take that shit down Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out Turn that shit off, knock that shit down I come in like a lion Go out like a bigger lion You come across my path, I'ma leave your girl crying I'ma leave your mama crying, gonna leave your kids crying Sneakin in my lab and you're always spyin The stuff of your dreams, you know I'm supplyin You keep tryin and tryin, and dyin and dyin Your universal lameness, is the fact underlyin Faster than a pussycat, kill, kill Don't touch my drink, no spill, spill Stormin the club like it's the Bastille Invading the stage like Bunker Hill You're a mouse, I can walk out my door Protest the White House I make shit happen, my name was on wikipedia before you started rapping I was the shit before you started crapping (oh no!!!) Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out Turn that shit off, take that shit down Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out Turn that shit off, knock that shit down

They call me Edward Cocaine I'm dropping bricks that are sick that make you wish you could be like me See like me, but you can't, you better flee, you're like a flea And I'ma squash you like kids stomp ants Like JLo smashes pants Like Donald Glover rocked Camp Like my uncle loved my aunt Like the South hated Grant Like little Ricky Schroeder looked up to the Champ Like the everlasting hip hop flow on my winamp Like PMS gives you the cramps Like BMX riders fly off of ramps Like teenagers wanna kiss sparkly vamps Like sorority girls spend time under heat lamps getting tanned Like Bleethy women gotta have tramp stamps Like hungry kids gotta have food stamps Like UPS and Fed Ex are trying to kill postage stamps Like W's Congress was a rubber stamp Like scribing these verbals gives me writer's cramp Like Ringo Starr would be unfamous without his band Like the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn gets banned Like Campbell's soup and Trump contestants get canned Like She's the Sheriff and Manimal used to get panned Like a waitress meeting Tiger Woods gets damp Like my soul after that last line is damned Like Critique of Pure Reason Immanual Kant Like a dog around Michal Vick is so quiet you can't hear it pant Like Sticky Fingaz and Fredro get slammed Like Phish fans sit through long-ass jams Like Eric Dickerson tacklers got rammed Like Cliff's Notes get crammed the night before the exam Like ASAP Rocky and Mac Miller get Clams Like Andre the Giant had problems with his damned pituitary gland Like when Libertarians look at economics and misunderstand Like when Stephen King was killing trees making a Stand Like putting your hand on the Bible leads to the witness stand Like Penn and Teller got sleight of hand Like guys that whack off too much don't have to worry about cancer of the prostate gland Like LeBron moving to Miami and finding the promised land Like Edward Norton overplaying his Rounders poker hand Like Orange is the New Black, a no man's land Like Jimmy Hoffa getting buried in the Meadowlands Like Ray Charles liked to tickle a Baby Grand Like Hebrews taking a pilgrimage to the Holy Land Like Deep Space Nine a runabout on the Rio Grande Like bukkake actresses are outmanned Like my weed source needs cash in hand Like my very existence, from my parents point of view, was unplanned Like Patrick Ewing had to always be thinking about his sweat glands Like the wind a house of cards can't withstand Like the Tea Party needs to disband Like Greatest Catch sailors get excited by the sight of dry land Like Buddy Holly fans don't want to hear the phrase "crash land" Like Eric Clapton telling us he's got a slow hand Like Ella Fitzgerald needed a big band Like British commuters going to Fleet Street take the Strand Like heads blow up when they get scanned Like Jimi Hendrix made bold castles out of sand Like Nickelback fans like shit that is bland Like the English language is at my command Like how I can tell this song is over by looking at the little hand

I look like Cheech man... There's a brand new dance craze taking the nation Little green men brought it down from a spaceship To do this shit right, you gotta be wasted Turn off your brain, and get it eraseded First I limp to the side like my leg was broken Nope, stop, that's already been did and done I'm not the one, to make you dance like before I'm the one to make you come back for more and more So you wanna learn to do this dance Well you can't, (stop) Just kidding, now get off your ass and get to work This ain't like the jerk, this ain't a twerk We ain't gonna shimmy, we ain't gonna shake Take off your clothes and jump in a lake Then get out and grab a beer Forget your worries and have no fear Put your nose on your toes Your hands in the air Put your nose on your toes Your hands in the air Put your nose on your toes Your hands in the air Put your nose on your toes Your hands in the air Do do the phlebotomy Do do the phlebotomy Do do the phlebotomy Do do the phlebotomy uh uh C'mon baby, let's do the Twister Right foot red, left foot blue Right hand yellow, left hand, too Right foot green, left foot red Take that right foot, put it on your head Jump on the bed, fall to the floor Crawl on the carpet, open the door Even if you snore, we won't call you a whore Go grab your friends, then grab some more Now this dance takes at least 10 people No not sheeple, not in the steeple You're gonna skip church to do these steps A little salt in your pepa, pep in your steppa A little sugar in your brain, rum in your veins Need to get ready, you gotta rock steady You gotta put your legs behind your head Once you start this dance, don't stop till you're dead Hurricane, hurricane Tornado, tornado Mudslide, mudslide El nino, el nino Cyclone, clyclone St. Elmo, St. Elmo Dust devil, dust devil La nina, la nina Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy (stop) Okay, where were we Forgot to dance, had to pee Gotta shake it off, so I can move Gotta snake my arms, and start to groove Do the lumpy space princess, it's Adventure Time Do the prison break, like you committed a crime This dance is called the phlebotomy You can do it for pay or do it for free You can do it alone, or you can do it with me Throw your hands in the air, put your tongue on your knees Take both your elbows, put em in the fridge Like Johnny Jones, jump off the Brooklyn Bridge Drive around the dance floor Jeff Gordon Climb the tower of London like a cockney King Kong Take a little nap, you're probably quite tired Fuck that, don't stop dancing till you retire Do the Bubba Watson, do the Bubba Watson Do the Torii Hunter, do the Torii Hunter Do the Jimmy Kimmel, do the Jimmy Kimmel Do the Morgan Freeman, do the Morgan Freeman Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy (stop) Okay, okay, I hear you saying Damn Rex, this shit is really hard Could you pass out some kind of instruction card Or maybe make a step-by-step video Hell no, the only thing you need to know Is that it's time for the vodka to flow It's time to make your eyeballs glow It's time to start a one-person show Take your ears and give 'em to your friends Take your hair and throw it on the ground The Phlebotomy is a global trend A spectacle of sight and sound Dance till no one else is around Dance till you forget all your follies Dance like you never lost the crown Dance like Boutros Boutros Ghali Boutros-Boutros, Boutros-Boutrous Ghali Boutros-Boutros, Boutros-Boutrous Ghali Boutros-Boutros, Boutros-Boutrous Ghali Boutros-Boutros, Boutros-Boutrous Ghali Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy Do the phlebotomy Alright, stop That is a tasty concoction!

I'm a friend of Miley Cyrus, she can twerk if she wants to I'm a friend of the janitors, who do all your work for you I'm a friend of Macklemore, he's doing his best to do the right thing I'm a friend of Lil Wayne, if he wants his bling, let em have his bling I'm a friend of honest cops, it's hard to do right with so much wrong around you I'm a friend of single mothers, we couldn't do what we do if they didn't do what they do I'm a friend of Kid Rock, white music and black music, fight music, not whack music I'm a friend of Kenrick, dropping a little control on the music, that shit was sick I'm a friend of strippers, if I could make money off the way I look, I would, too I'm a friend of the IRS, somebody's gotta do it, if it was you, you'd hate you, too I'm a friend of Bono, call him what you want, few people do more for the poor I'm a friend of fast food workers, exploited to pay the bills, exploited for lack of skills I'm a friend of union members, standing up for everyone's right to dignity and respect I'm a friend of Obama, he's not perfect, neither are you, let's see you try to have an effect I'm a friend of Flavor Flav, yeah he's a little crazy, but so are you and I I'm a friend of Chuck D, he made social consciousness something you had to buy I'm a friend of Britney, bitch, lets stop judging people dealing with shit we don't know about I'm a friend of Jay-Z, good to see a hustler rise up and get so much clout I'm a friend of Nasty Nas, always bringing it hard, before you and God, I give em a head nod I'm a friend of Hillary, breaking glass ceilings, while dealing with men who are flawed I'm a friend of Uncle Luke, sure the lyrics of his songs were shit, but he said things that people actually say I'm a friend of Kanye, he was right about Taylor and Bush, even if he's rude, his shit's cray I'm a friend of Trayvon, still we have fear of a black planet, but I'll say it, Fuck George Zimmerman! I'm a friend of Charlie Sheen, doing more winning at life than most other winners can I'm a friend of homeless people, there's no reason, no way, no how, this should be in a free country I'm a friend of welfare mothers, society fails too many people and this isn't how its supposed to be I'm a friend of Elizabeth Warren, I like my women strong, and one like her will be president before too long I'm a friend of Cheech and Chong, let's get it on, no prison time for a guy selling a bong I'm a friend of Beyonce, nobody puts on a better show, nobody works harder, yo I'm a friend of the troops on the ground, putting their boots on and going to places we'll never go I'm a friend of prisoners doing time for drug possession, casualties of a stupid drug war obsession I'm a friend of the teachers of the world, session after session, lesson after lesson I'm a friend of Grandmaster Flash, on the wheels of steel, made a new culture and music real to me I'm a friend of children and students, we don't own em, shouldn't control em, should help em be free I'm a friend of Eminem, when he goes round the outside, round the outside, I'm along for the ride I'm a friend of Big Boi and Andrew 3000, originality of days, in so many ways it's craze-y I'm a friend of bus drivers, it's a shit job, for shit pay, that lasts all of the shitty day I'm a friend of fire fighters, putting their lives on the line, and they still get shitty pay I'm a friend of the survivors, attacked by rapists, then the legal system, then the public I'm a friend of the survivors, beaten by parents and spouses, no refuge in their own house I'm a friend of the addicts and alcoholics, punished by society after punishing themselves I'm a friend of the garbage collectors, cleaning up the refuse we leave behind or lose I'm a friend of DJ Kook Herc, I've imagined being at those block parties a million times I'm a friend of Afrika Bambaataa, I've listened to those spins a million times I'm a friend of undocumented immigrants, birth shouldn't determine your destiny and life I'm a friend of artists, they say what we all think and feel and need and want and bleed I'm a friend of revolutionaries, the system is broken those who break it are my friends I'm a friend of you, you don't and won't suffer alone, I'll be your friend until the end

You can't export swag - I can I can go home again I can get there from here, see I can put my arms around a memory I can win em all I can have it all I can have my cake and eat it, too I can handle the truth I can have it both ways I can sweat that fever out all day I can squeeze the Charmin I can beat them and join them I can hurry love I can do it better I can always get what I want I can serve two masters, but I won't I can lead a horse to water and make it drink I can take it with me I can do that on television I expected the Spanish inquisition I can explain it to a six year old even if I don't understand it myself I can stand the heat and stay in the kitchen I can be neutral on a moving train I can judge a book by it's cover I can refuse that offer I can make silk purse out of a sow's ear I can touch this, no fear I can run and I can hide I can leave it all behind I can make you feel inferior without your consent I can unsee it, even after I've seen it I can hold a candle to you I can stop the bum rush, too In space, I can hear you scream I can stop the reign