Don't care what you're smoking
Or what you're drinking
If I were president
You'd have to call me Abe Lincoln

Don't care if you go to work
Don't care if you go to jail
If I'm swimming in the ocean
I'm a fucking blue whale

Don't care if you're celibate
Don't care if you have sex
If I'm a land-based predator
They call me T. Rex

Don't care what you got
Don't care who you do
If I'm a mountain climber
I'm at the top of K2

Yeah I'm fat...and getting fatter
Yeah I'm bad...and getting badder
Yeah I'm quick...and getting quicker
Yeah I'm big...and getting bigger

Don't care where you bought it
Don't care how you wear it
If I'm a fucking gold ring
I got 24 karats

Don't care if you look like Busta
If you sound like Latifah
If I'm a skyscraper
My name is Burj Khalifa

Don't care if you're getting smarter
If you're getting stupider
I'm flying through the solar system
You know I'm Jupiter

Don't care about your house
Don't care about your car
If I'm a best-selling movie
You know I'm Avatar

Yeah I'm fat...and getting fatter
Yeah I'm bad...and getting badder
Yeah I'm quick...and getting quicker
Yeah I'm big...and getting bigger

Don't care about your ink
Don't care if it's tribal
If we're talking book sales
My name is the Bible

Don't care if you're a thug
Don't care if you're a killer
In a list of album sales
You can call me Thriller

Don't care if you drink Coke
Don't care if you drink Snapple
If I'm a money-making company
You know that I'm Apple

Don't care if you're wide awake
Or in a deep sleep
If we're talking oil spills
I'm motherfucking BP

Yeah I'm fat...and getting fatter
Yeah I'm bad...and getting badder
Yeah I'm quick...and getting quicker
Yeah I'm big...and getting bigger

Don't care if you're at the beach
Or at the spa
If we're talking badass roller coasters
I'm Kingda Ka

Don't care if you're freezing hot
Or you're blistering cold
If we're talking Must See TV
I'm the Super Bowl

Don't care if you go to Heaven
Don't care if you go to Hell
If we're talking selling burritos
I'm Taco Bell

Don't care if you're dirty
Don't care if you're clean
On the list of hurricanes
My name is Irene

Yeah I'm fat...and getting fatter
Yeah I'm bad...and getting badder
Yeah I'm quick...and getting quicker
Yeah I'm big...and getting bigger