You are the greatest man on earth
But only in your mind, for what it's worth
Like God's gift is how you feel
But everyone who's met you knows that it ain't real
You wear fancy clothes, you look real sharp
Disguising the fact that you ain't got a heart
You think that you're pretty, we know that you're shitty
You think that you're smooth, but you got lots to prove

Drop dead gorgeous, in your mind's eye
You think that you're cool, you think that you're fly
30 pounds of product in your crunchy hair
Arms, legs, chest, that's a lot of nair
Abercrombie & Fitch, noveau riche
Original thoughts, you ain't got a stitch
Six hours a day, you spend at the gym
Then take a run, then take a swim

Subjectively you're hot
Objectively you're not
Subjectively you're a winner
Objectively you're a sinner
Subjectively you're a hero
Objectively you're a zero
Subjectively you're strong
Objectively you're wrong

Zero minutes a day, you spend on your mind
To the way people live, you are really blind
Your only god is Axe body spray
Grey Goose, Jagermeister is where you pray
About the Benjamins, and cheap conquests
About that ass, about the breasts
You wouldn't care if she didn't have a brain
Didn't have a pulse, didn't have a name

You say kindness is weakness
A tool used to impress
A way to get her to drop her dress
Bedpost notches are your only quest
Repeat customers are not your thing
You can't handle the complications they bring
Hook up again not what you wanna do
You don't realize that they're laughing at you

Subjectively you're hot
Objectively you're not
Subjectively you're a winner
Objectively you're a sinner
Subjectively you're a hero
Objectively you're a zero
Subjectively you're strong
Objectively you're wrong

Subjectively you rock
Objectively you suck
More shallow than a kiddie pool
Your dates are only kissing a fool
Love, to you, is a four-letter word
Only for geeks, only for nerds
You think that you're king of the jocks
Reality is you're king of small cocks

If we gave you a scarlet letter
It could only be the letter D
Douchebag, dumbass, dipshit
Dickhead, dudebro, dummy, see
Call you a dog, insults all dogs
Inside your head is a permanent fog
A neutral zone around your head
If I were like you, I'd be better off dead

Subjectively you're hot
Objectively you're not
Subjectively you're a winner
Objectively you're a sinner
Subjectively you're a hero
Objectively you're a zero
Subjectively you're strong
Objectively you're wrong